Parts 1, 2 & 3
Yes, I'm back again.
Yes, I'm bleating on about being a lesbian again.
No, I actually have a point with this one!
As you'll know from the previous entries regarding this, I've been keeping my sexuality a secret from my grandmother for fear that she would hate me forever. I told her a few days ago. Face to face.
I was utterly terrified to tell her, but now that I have I feel so much better.
I went with my mother to her home to chat about Christmas and college. My mother and I had planned out in advance that I would tell her on that day while we were there, and I was just waiting for an appropriate moment to say it. I wasn't going to fuck around, I was just going to say it. Mother agreed that she would prompt me if I was taking too long.
We'd gotten on to a conversation about a neighbour of my gran's friend - a lecturer at my college - who happens to be a lesbian. She'd told us about this woman, and that she was writing a screenplay about LGBT culture in Nazi Germany. Grandmother cracked a joke and said 'well, wouldn't be a very long play, would it?' and I'll be honest, I laughed like hell. My mother at this point decided it was time to prompt me.
"Well, actually, while we're on the subject, I think there's something Emmä would really like to say"
Ohgodohgodohgodmyheartisinmythroat
"Well... gran, you probably already knew. I'm gay."
The acrid smoke of stunned silence drifted through the air.
”I can’t say I’m surprised. Is Bekah your girlfriend?”
”Yeah, she is.”
”Okay then.”
Just like that, the conversation turned back to normality. She made it clear that she didn’t mind that I was gay, and she felt good within herself that I had the courage and trust to tell her. She said she felt loved because I’d told her. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and a weight off her heart.
All in all, I fussed over nothing. My grandmother was incredibly tolerant, and if anything is now more affectionate to me than before. We email back and forth and I call her a few times a week… which would have been unheard of before.
Everyone’s happy with the situation. :)
